literature

The Runner

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Literature Text

    The runner was tired, but she had sprinted past the safe line successfully. 'I did it, Kedrina. I did it!' She couldn't believe she'd won!
    Panting and breathing hard, she stumbled and fell heavily on the freshly mowed lawn. The world was darkening in patches of black and grey, spots of light twinkling in and out before her eyes. She gasped deeply, inhaling the scent of hot, cut summer Bermuda grass, trying to fill her ravishing lungs never satisfied. Drops of glistening sweat rolled down her light temples. She was wet-- wet and hot. And exhausted-- so exhausted!
    Why couldn't she breathe, she wondered. 'Breathe Kat, breathe! Breathe!'
    Dimly, she was aware of cheering in the distance but she couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't get the air plentiful and all around her to reach her starving air sacs. She could feel her heart pumping slower.
    Slower..
    Slower...
    Bump pa. bump pa.. bump pa...
    Each pump of blood going through veins and arteries throbbed painfully.
    'Help!' She needed to scream- no, she wanted to scream. Her chest burned so searingly painful that she felt it would explode. Had she been able to think, she would have thought for sure that her throat had been ripped open for the cold crispness of the airflow past her throat. 
    Finally, as she felt her head getting heavier and heavier, the world shutting down around her-- or maybe she was shutting down-- she realized in hazy disbelief that she was actually going to die.
    Her eyes fluttered shut weakly.
    Here, on the warm late summer afternoon grass, without winning her life after all. She would have continued on to think how unfair life was (ironic, since she had always hated the saying), but it was too late, the world had disappeared and she went to sleep.
    Original Sentence: The runner was tired.

    Explanation: Earlier this year my English teacher had us do an exercise where she would give us one sentence and then ave us about 10 minutes to write a paragraph about it. This was my lame attempt but I was very pleased with my imagination that day. :)

    My girl, Katalina, has just finished running from someone or something. She put the core of her whole being into the effort and apparently it has cost her her life as she ran very, very far. Actually come to think of it, her death is realistic as a death similar to hers is what started the tradition of the marathon I believe.. Please comment and tell me what you think, I am always looking to improve!

    EDIT: Looking back on stuff I wrote freshman year of high school, I was stunned to see I could write nothing but run-on sentences! Honestly I sucked. I still probably suck, but not as much as before. This is the somewhat edited version of "The Runner Was Tired". I kept suggestions I got in mind and tried to make this more acceptable.
    Hope you like. :)
© 2013 - 2024 Britta-Bear
Comments4
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PenguJohn's avatar
Don't over dramatized the ending keep it down to earth maybe say "but it was too late, the blackness filled in the color and she was gone." Just a thought. Good imagery but make sure the tone of the imagery matches the tone of the writing like "glistening" or "fluttered" try choosing darker words to match the tone. Other wise very good.